While I was in turmoil, the weekend with Boyfriend approached. I was numbed by the sheer volume and speed of emotions running through me, exhausted by the constant debate in my head. Not Boyfriend v Beautiful Boy.
Just Boyfriend v not Boyfriend.
On the Friday I sent out an SOS to my two best friends. We met for lunch; I burst into tears and confessed all. They didn’t know what to say. Boyfriend and I were the one unchanging concept in our ever-changing worlds. We’d always stuck together through every hard thing and now suddenly, I was ready to pack it all in? The only (and the best) advice they could give me, was to go on my weekend and allow myself the space to see what would transpire.
They also brought up the possibility of a proposal over the weekend, which brought fresh sobs from me. A week ago I sometimes thought that would be the answer to all my woes, now I couldn’t imagine anything worse.
Sensible Jewel (who’d introduced me to Boyfriend all those years ago, incidentally) left first, which gave romantic Nightingale a quick opportunity to say: “If you feel you need to speak to Beautiful Boy, I think you should call him, you know?”
Fifteen minutes later I was on the phone to him and we had a very light, pleasant, friendly conversation. It made me feel better. Just knowing that he was my friend regardless. There was an unspoken understanding between us that this was how it would be until I changed anything.