35. what love is

I stood in the rain with my little purple umbrella in my sundress and soggy suede boots, on the corner of 57th and 7th, looking down at the expectant face of a boy I’d met six months before. A boy who had unintentionally stolen my heart away three months earlier, changing every aspect of my life and all my ideas of what love is and can be. In the space of ten seconds I reviewed all my hopes and dreams and saw that yes, this boy would support me in all of them and make them come true one by one. I stammered a hesitant yes. Hesitant because he was so young and impulsive and this was so sudden and unexpected. Yes because none of that mattered when it felt so obvious and true.

I must admit that the overwhelming emotion I felt at this time was shock. I said yes, he got up, we kissed and held each other, but it felt unreal. My mind was spinning round a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t be engaged to a Beautiful Boy just three months after leaving a ten year relationship. I was astounded. The BB and I had discussed marriage often and from our first real talk at the cigar bar, we knew we both believed in it and wanted it. But I’d thought that if all went well the earliest he would consider proposing would be over Christmas back home, or maybe when he finished his degree in May 2008. But no, this was 27 October 2007, and we were engaged!

We continued walking along. The rain didn’t stop pouring down. I was completely dazed, a daft grin plastered all over my face. I knew I’d have to return to the real world, say something soon or he’d think I’d gone over the deep end. I spotted a bit of shelter and dropped my bag and umbrella, turning to face this impetuous boy. “Are you serious? Did we just get engaged? Is this for real? What the hell…” He just laughed at me and pulled me close. “Your yes was a bit hesitant, but I still think it counts. So yes, I am and we are and it’s for real. In fact, if we don’t hurry up we’ll be late for our ten o’clock appointment.”
I decided to give up the second-guessing and just follow where this positive, assured, carefree boy wanted to lead me. Which was a very good thing in retrospect, as he led me straight to Tiffany & Co. 5th Avenue.