28. pigs ostriches and emus

We arrived at Jeremy’s ranch to find a big old wooden house filled with knickknacks collected from the flea markets in the area over twenty years. The bedrooms were decorated according to themes, in shabby-chic fashion, and I slept like a baby in my Chinese poster bed.



The next morning we discovered the beauty of our surroundings, the grass covered hills and prickly vegetation very reminiscent of Northern South Africa / Southern Zimbabwe, which is probably why Jeremy fell in love with the area. There was also a selection of animals to keep us busy and entertained. Cats, pigs, ostriches and emus all had to be fed, watered and petted. We bathed the emus with a hosepipe and then Jeremy put us to work picking olives from the bucket of a tractor. Such healthy, outdoor fun for a gaggle of city girls, we joked and laughed hysterically most of the time.



Lala and I also went up to Sequoia National Park to see the giant redwoods. I’d had enough of driving so dear Lala took on Jeremy’s mammoth truck and got us there safely through the twisty roads all the way up. It was awesome, in the traditional sense of the word, to see these humongous trees, bigger than any other living thing on earth.

At mealtimes we all cooked together in the big farmhouse kitchen and though I assure you I am no kitchen enthusiast, it was such a lovely experience! We even had a braai on the Saturday evening. Jeremy’s brother and his kids live on the ranch too and they came over to join us. John is 16, Rose 14 and they attend school in LA during the week, spending their weekends at the ranch. I hadn’t met such cool, friendly, well-adapted teenagers in a very long time. Rose had even baked us a fresh apple pie, with apples she picked in their garden that day! It was an idyllic pastoral dream perfected.

This was a wonderfully relaxing time, cocooned in nature with the exquisite company of my gorgeous girlfriends and darling Jeremy. It really soothed the relentless cycle of thoughts, doubts and speculation that had been churning through my mind. By the time we were dropped at the airport en route to Vegas, I felt excited yet calm.

I was super keen to see my Beautiful Boy and had missed him like crazy while I was sick and running on empty in LA. Now the time-out in the country had really made me see that I was still my whole, own person with my own unique character and that I actually quite liked this person and would be very happy and fulfilled in my life going forward, whether the Beautiful Boy would be there to colour it wonderful or not.

8. a little weary

Now this might sound completely heartless, but there’s no point in me blogging my true love story and then lying about the harsh details.

I drove away from now X-boyfriend, switched on my phone and carried on crying as I opened a message from Beautiful Boy. “Need some comic relief? I have just the solution for you! Beautiful Boy is available next week on Monday through Sunday. Please book ahead to avoid disappointment. ;-)”

I’d just broken someone’s heart. I felt so guilty. As if all I deserved was to drive home and spend a week crying by myself before I’d be allowed to see anyone or carry on with my life in any way. Surely I wasn’t allowed to smile like this? Surely I wasn’t allowed to call his number? But I did.

He answered immediately, expectant and excited, a little weary. We talked for a while, but I can’t remember a word we said. I felt so disconnected from myself, my wishes, my needs, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. He told to come see him, that we would talk. At the end of the phone call, all I knew was that I was driving towards my friend, the Beautiful Boy.

2. friendship

I didn't allow it at the time, of course. I carried on talking as a friend, partied as a friend, said goodbye as a friend and went home with Boyfriend. I didn't let myself think about the DVD and his gorgeous smile and his ever-present laugh. I was sure I could forget the way it felt as if my heart just dropped when I watched that gorgeous smile and heard that ever-present laugh.

Over the next month a friendship grew. There were plenty of parties and socials that kept bringing the group together and multiple reasons for us to be in touch. One evening when we'd all met for another birthday celebration, Beautiful Boy and I had so much to say to each other that we ended up being the last two friends at the bar. As we were discussing my long-term relationship and the benefits of being committed to someone for such a long time, I didn't feel guilty or in the wrong.
Then Beautiful Boy suddenly got up and announced the end of the evening. He didn't even walk me to my car.
Phew! I felt lucky that I'd obviously mastered my supposed feelings for him (or at least hidden them well) and he had none for me. Life could carry on as before.
A twinge of disappointment was unceremoniously suppressed.

Our mutual friends had noticed this 'absolutely platonic' friendship forming, and tongues were wagging. No one said anything to me but Beautiful Boy was called up and made to answer for flirting so outrageously with a girl who was "about to get married". Boyfriend and I were in therapy partly to figure out why we DIDN’T want to get married. To each other. But after ten years together everyone was just waiting for it I guess.

So Beautiful Boy retracted somewhat from our intense chats and I reasoned that our relationship was finding its balance somewhere between flirty and friendly. Which suited me just fine. I was busy enough sorting through an emotional wasteland with Boyfriend and had no time to contemplate new friendships with beautiful boys.