24. cheese state

I finally arrived in Madison. Via Johannesburg, via Dakar, via Atlanta, but I arrived. My heartbeat was skyrocketing. Wow. It was real, in just a minute or two I would see the Beautiful Boy, be able to kiss and hold him. If I wanted to? Gulp!

As I stepped off the plane I had a peculiar out-of-body sensation, wondering for a moment what the hell I was doing in Wisconsin of all places and who was this Boy I was expecting to be there, waiting with open arms? For ten years every day and most of my choices were obvious, predictable, inevitable. Now it was all wide open and I had no guarantees.

If I hadn’t spent so much time with Boy’s family and friends in his absence, I might have run away at this point! They were the only reassurance I had that he wasn’t just some callous heartbreaking stranger looking for a good time. I mean, I’d just flown halfway round the world on the strength of a delirious month spent together and a couple of phone calls! Well, maybe rather more than a couple. Regardless, there I was, entering the arrivals hall of a tiny airport in the Cheese State of America; I had no choice but to keep on walking into this unmapped future.

When I spotted him, my heart skipped a beat. Man, he was gorgeous! He looked younger than I remembered, and taller, and sweeter, and… shy! There were many words I could use to describe the Beautiful Boy, but shy had never been one of them. It entered my mind for the first time that this must be as daunting for him as it was for me. We shyly said hello, grinning, and then Beautiful Boy did what he does best. He kissed me till my toes curled up.