Tuesday, January 13, 2009

you never think it will happen to you



"Part of me doesn't want to share my wedding with the world. I think I'm afraid if I shake it too hard the glitter will fall off."

East Side Bride uttered these concisely descriptive words in her post on Meg's Wedding Graduate series. I read it in October, about a month before my wedding and I thought: 'what a beautiful sentence. what a load of crap.' (Sorry eastside but I did, at the time...)

And now, guess what? I'm protectively hugging the day to my chest, fearful to put into words all the wonderful little things that I experienced and anxious to relive some less wonderful realisations that I had.
I am a perfectionist so I was always going to notice tiny imperfect details. In the spirit of honest and true reportage I'd feel compelled to admit that there were things that I would've liked different (and I'm not talking about the shade of the napkins or the position of the centre pieces!) but do I really want to dwell on that? I very neatly set those issues aside the second I became aware of them on the day and now I fear that if I revisit the day from moment to moment I'll be awash in the memory of everything as it really was, in harsh retrospective light and not be able to carry on living happily in the hazy dreamy blissful ideal that I recall when I think back generally.

Wow, that makes my wedding sound like a disaster.

Let me rephrase. My wedding day was gorgeous, joyful and intensely meaningful. I was as calm and ready and excited as is humanly possible. Our friends and family members surrounded us with love and good wishes and then we were man and wife and we felt like the luckiest, happiest people on earth. All the planning came to fruition to ensure an intimate ceremony, a festive dinner and a kick-ass party. I couldn't have asked for more.

But it's hard to write about it.

Kudos to all you brave blogger brides who jump right in and share, because that is ultimately why we're here in the blogosphere isn't it? To share. Our experiences and thoughts and ideas and emotions.

Writing this post is the start. I'm sure I can work through my issues and show you my beautiful day, when my beautiful boy became my beautiful husband.
Soon, soon, soon.

17 comments:

EliandMe said...

Take your time girl, you know we'll be waiting whenever you feel ready!

I'm pretty sure that in this case, no matter how hard you shake, no glitter will be lost.

Being Brazen said...

Share when you ready - and dont share if you dont want to :)

Happy Belated New year :)

Jest said...

It's up to you what you want to share or what you don't want to share. But, when and if you want to share anything, I know we'll all be happy to hear about it!

Kimberly Julie said...

just make sure there are lots of pictures and we'll forgive you for the hiatus. ;)

Mrs English nee Trini said...

Know how you are feeling EXACTLY.

Hence am blogging about all sorts of random things till I know what I'm going to do. (To share, or not to share? That is the question...)

I probably will, but only when it feels right. I rather suspect this may be the moment I get all my pro photos and just can't contain myself any longer...

NotQuiteaBride said...

I'm so happy you explained this. I can't understand it yet as I'm in the throes of planning and sharing, but it makes perfect sense.

I do have to say that when I saw that you had a new blog post, my heart skipped a beat. Take your time, but when you're ready, I CANNOT wait to see the pictures and hear your advice!!!!!!!

Hannah Noel said...

Aww, take your time! And if for some reason you end up deciding NOT to tell us.. well.. we'll get over it ;)

October12 said...

First, welcome back and Happy New Year!

I think a lot of us can understand where you're coming from. I'm having trouble finding the words to truly express what the pictures mean. This is intensely personal stuff and I'm finding it hard to convey the meaning of all to people who weren't there. It's tough.

Kudos to you for laying those feelings out. It wasn't easy for me to admit to myself, much less others.

Ruby Slippers said...

Like you, Eastside Bride's words really resonated with me. I read that post about two weeks before my wedding, and while I hadn't thought about that feeling before, it struck a chord and I understood what she was going through. Afterwards, it really did hit me. Again, like you, there were things that were less than perfect about my day, that I put aside at the time because I just couldn't concern myself with them. I have felt that what I've blogged so far about my day hasn't captured how excitingly magical it felt, but it also hasn't made me feel bad about anything. Yet! Nonetheless, I'm enjoying the process of laying it all out - the writing is as much, if not more, for me as for the readers - and if I can capture just a little of the glitter in my posts, then I'll be happy.

Now that I've finished yammering about me, I really hope you do feel able to share at some point. Take your time, but I agree with EliandMe, that no glitter will be lost here.

citysage said...

yes yes yes! I had the exact same experience. it took me a week to even get up the interest in posting about ANYTHING after the wedding, and I still haven't really blogged much about the wedding itself. it almost feels like writing things down will make the memories less vivid in your mind---which seems counterintuitive when you THINK about it, but since when are weddings about thinking? really it's what you FEEL that counts!

so all that matters is that YOU hold it as close as you want for as long as you want.

Once A Bride said...

Oh-I know what you mean!! I still can't bring myself to 'break' down my wedding for the world.

Take your time-maybe divulge a snippet here and there. But your readers will be happy to read whatever you want us to! Glad you're back. :o)

Cyd said...

We're ready when you are! And funny thing is, now that you say it, I actually can see it happening to me, too. It's such a deeply personal and intimate thing, it kind of makes perfect sense. At any rate, feel free to blog about whatever you like in the meantime if you feel throwing some gorgeous eye candy our way. ;-)

Cate Subrosa said...

Girl, I know exactly what you mean. Writing the lead-up was fine, but now I'm up to the ceremony, it's getting more difficult. I just have to remind myself that my blog readers are so into it, whatever I share, they love it enough that it's worth it.

Nice to hear from you, anyway :)

Rachel said...

If and when you do share, I look forward to reading it. x

Pearls Of Wisdom, LLC said...

What a poignant and introspective post...
I will be patiently waiting for the glimpses that you choose to share...
Until then, relish the memories

bekapaige said...

You're worth the wait.

(but please come back soon!)

I love that quote from East Side, no one says things quite like she does.

east side bride said...

<3